**I'm writing this as a small insight into my personal experiences
as a new expat. I'm also hoping it will help people understand what
it's like whether you plan on moving to another country or know
someone who does. Not everyone will experience things the way I do –
take what you will from this. :)
The biggest difference when you move versus when you visit
or study abroad is that there's no end date. When you feel homesick
and you're visiting, you can count down how many days/weeks/months you have left
which 1) comforts you that it won't last forever and 2) reminds you
to enjoy yourself because it won't last forever. When you move
however, there is no end date. This is home now. And no matter how
much I like it here, how much I love waking up to my husband, or how
much I enjoy crafting, cooking, and just living in *our*
space... I loved my old home too! Twenty-five years worth of memories of life including: birthday parties, children growing up, movie nights,
and a million other wonderful things. It took time to
build those memories, it's going to take time to make my new country "home" too.
Another thing that makes it hard is that you lose a sense of familiarity. If I get sick in the US I know exactly what medicine to take, now I need help picking out the right thing. If
I have a craving for a particular food, I sometimes have to ask if it even exists here. Adjusting to a new language or dialect, new currency, and new protocols for things that you take for granted back "home" (e.g. going to the doctor) all factor in to making the big move pretty confusing. AND on top of all that, you're likely still navigating immigration and how to establish yourself in a new community as a very foreign person - take it from me, not easy!
This last one.. I'll admit that this may just be me. I am the baby of my family after all! So a small part of what makes it hard is accepting that I'm an
adult now and my decisions (and mistakes) are all on me. When Stuart and I first discussed expediting my visa – I
called my mom to ask permission! I remember crying on the phone and
saying something like “I know I'm 25, I'm married, and I pretty
much 100% take care of myself now.. but I feel like I need your
approval!” and I remember my mom laughing and reassuring me that
everything was going to be okay... (which she still does regularly
over Skype) I'm not sure I'll ever stop needing that reassurance for big life decisions, but it's certainly a lot harder to get with a 5 hour time difference!
So no matter how long you’ve wanted this, or how hard you worked for it, it's normal to be sad from time to time. You have to feel what you feel, and at those times I turn to Stuart for extra cuddles and remind myself that the happiest people don't have everything, they just make the best out of what they have. The same things I did when I missed Stuart, are now the things I do when I miss my friends/family/country. Hang photos, try to communicate regularly (skype, snapchat, facebook, and email have been so useful for that), stay invested in people's lives, figure out when you can see them again, and introduce your new friends/family to some of your favorite local dishes (#SouthernSunday - it's called comfort food for a reason, people!). But also, start new traditions, discover new favorite foods, make new friends, and recognize that this experience is not one that everyone has - there are as many ups as there are downs and it's really all about perspective - even a bad experience can be laughed at!
As my mother reminded me recently, change is the only constant.
When we finally make our way back to Scotland I know I'll be a little
homesick for Northern Ireland too.. that's just the way things go. So when asked if I'm homesick, I just say “I am home.” and continue to focus on the positive and enjoy the ride. :)
**I also want to add that you're not a failure and it wasn't a waste, if you move and then go back home. As Terry Pratchett wrote in A Hat Full of Sky, "Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving." Though we have no plans of leaving the UK, who knows what the future will bring? Either way it will all have been worth it.
American expat in the UK - former LDR - US to Scotland ✨
