Home Sickness (and why it's different when you move vs when you visit)

**I'm writing this as a small insight into my personal experiences as a new expat. I'm also hoping it will help people understand what it's like whether you plan on moving to another country or know someone who does. Not everyone will experience things the way I do – take what you will from this. :)

The biggest difference when you move versus when you visit or study abroad is that there's no end date. When you feel homesick and you're visiting, you can count down how many days/weeks/months you have left which 1) comforts you that it won't last forever and 2) reminds you to enjoy yourself because it won't last forever. When you move however, there is no end date. This is home now. And no matter how much I like it here, how much I love waking up to my husband, or how much I enjoy crafting, cooking, and just living in *our* space... I loved my old home too! Twenty-five years worth of memories of life including: birthday parties, children growing up, movie nights, and a million other wonderful things. It took time to build those memories, it's going to take time to make my new country "home" too.

Another thing that makes it hard is that you lose a sense of familiarity. If I get sick in the US I know exactly what medicine to take, now I need help picking out the right thing. If I have a craving for a particular food, I sometimes have to ask if it even exists here. Adjusting to a new language or dialect, new currency, and new protocols for things that you take for granted back "home" (e.g. going to the doctor) all factor in to making the big move pretty confusing. AND on top of all that, you're likely still navigating immigration and how to establish yourself in a new community as a very foreign person - take it from me, not easy!

This last one.. I'll admit that this may just be me. I am the baby of my family after all! So a small part of what makes it hard is accepting that I'm an adult now and my decisions (and mistakes) are all on me. When Stuart and I first discussed expediting my visa – I called my mom to ask permission! I remember crying on the phone and saying something like “I know I'm 25, I'm married, and I pretty much 100% take care of myself now.. but I feel like I need your approval!” and I remember my mom laughing and reassuring me that everything was going to be okay... (which she still does regularly over Skype) I'm not sure I'll ever stop needing that reassurance for big life decisions, but it's certainly a lot harder to get with a 5 hour time difference!



So no matter how long you’ve wanted this, or how hard you worked for it, it's normal to be sad from time to time. You have to feel what you feel, and at those times I turn to Stuart for extra cuddles and remind myself that the happiest people don't have everything, they just make the best out of what they have. The same things I did when I missed Stuart, are now the things I do when I miss my friends/family/country. Hang photos, try to communicate regularly (skype, snapchat, facebook, and email have been so useful for that), stay invested in people's lives, figure out when you can see them again, and introduce your new friends/family to some of your favorite local dishes (#SouthernSunday - it's called comfort food for a reason, people!). But also, start new traditions, discover new favorite foods, make new friends, and recognize that this experience is not one that everyone has - there are as many ups as there are downs and it's really all about perspective - even a bad experience can be laughed at!

As my mother reminded me recently, change is the only constant. When we finally make our way back to Scotland I know I'll be a little homesick for Northern Ireland too.. that's just the way things go. So when asked if I'm homesick, I just say “I am home.” and continue to focus on the positive and enjoy the ride. :)


**I also want to add that you're not a failure and it wasn't a waste, if you move and then go back home. As Terry Pratchett wrote in A Hat Full of Sky, "Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving." Though we have no plans of leaving the UK, who knows what the future will bring? Either way it will all have been worth it.

Week 1 Check In

For so long Stuart and I have been dreaming of the day that we would be settled in the same country. We've worked our butts off to make this a reality and after months/years of planning and a few weeks of intense stress we made it! Today concludes my first week living in Northern Ireland and maybe if you didn't know me you'd assume that I would be relaxing and taking it easy.. but who are we kidding, I've got things to do!

It started off slow, Monday I:

• was greeted at the airport with roses
• had lunch out
• hugged and loved on my hubby A LOT

But after that I just couldn't sit around anymore. Tuesday-Thursday had me:

• making a lot of lists
• unpacking most of my boxes
• building a shelving unit for my craft room
• picking up my residence permit (most important!!)
• learning how to use a British oven and washing machine (so many funny buttons)
• putting photos of our family around the house
• going out to post a letter
• ending up walking around the lake
• it's a 5k path with multiple side paths
• I got lost twice
• and walked the whole thing - oops!

Friday was somewhat relaxed..

• we planned out our weekend
• planned out vacation time
• and I discovered my new favorite ice cream - Pigs In Mud!

But the weekend was back to work for me! After a quick afternoon-long trip to IKEA (so spoiled to have one 30 min away now :D) on Saturday, I cleared out the rest of the unused office and built two chairs and another shelving unit!

Yesterday I found my way to the mall - where our post office lives ?? and today I registered at the local doctor's office and made TWO appointments.

There have been hiccups - to be expected when moving to a foreign country. I feel like I'm walking around with a giant sign over my head that reads "AMERICAN" and I wonder how long it'll take to wear off. I'm not obviously foreign like I was in South Korea, but for some reason I'm more self conscious about it here. Fortunately I have a lovely partner who completely supports my desire to stress cook. We've started two new traditions (both food related of course) and when he went out for groceries on Sunday, he came back with a surprise crock-pot. Now if that isn't love, I just don't know what is. :)

It's Not Goodbye, It's Next Time in Ireland*

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."

-Anatole France

Hi friends,

It's been a strange few weeks. In case you missed it, here's what's been going on:

• Stuart and I filed for my visa
• we got approved one week later
• we bought my one-way plane ticket for one week after that
• tomorrow, I start the long journey to a new life in the UK

I've closed my bank account, eaten at all my favorite places, and packed my life into a few small boxes and a suitcase - it's time. It's bittersweet like I always knew it would be; The sadness of a long distance relationship is that once you're in one, you're never out. If you're the one who moves it simply transfers from significant other to family and friends. And as exciting as moving to a new country is, the past few weeks have given me a deeper appreciation for all things "Southern". 

But I'm thankful for all the opportunities that have been granted to me - and I look forward to bringing a touch of Southern culture to my new home. When I come back (and I will because there's no Chick-fil-A in Northern Ireland) I'll look forward to sharing some of my new culture with all of you in the States. :)

*Disclaimer: I recognize that saying Ireland implies "Republic of" and not "Northern" and that I, in fact, am moving to Northern Ireland which is part of the UK - however the cheapest flights are more often than not into Dublin (on a Tuesday!) so most likely anyone who visits will initially see me in Ireland first before journeying north. :)

Hello 2016, Goodbye Distance Forever!

"You're married now, can't you just move there and be done with it?"

I have been asked this more than a few times and my god, I wish it was that easy! Unfortunately, it's not - we've had to condense our relationship over the past 3+ years into a stack of forms and photos roughly an inch high. There's no official list of what evidence we need to include and there's no co-sponsors so this is all on us. As two recent graduates - that's a lot! However, after months of work (mostly just this past month) and an unreal amount of cash (thanks grandparents in Scotland SO SO much!) we're coming to the end of phase 1 and I'll be shipping my documents off tomorrow! With priority processing (and another staggering fee) we should have an answer within 1-2 weeks. :)

Main requirements for the UK Spouse Visa include:

1) We are a legitimate couple. Our marriage is legal and recognized in both countries.

2) We intend to live together and have adequate space to do so. (Hello beautiful townhouse in Northern Ireland - I can't wait to make you into a home!)

and finally,

3) We meet the financial requirement. This is the kicker for most couples because it isn't small - but thanks to Stuart's wonderful job we can prove that I won't be a burden on the government. ;)

Provided all of the evidence I'm sending results in an approval, we're good to go for two and a half years! I can legally work and will have access to health care immediately, though I will still have to pay for doctor's appointments and prescriptions :( . We can finally start planning our honeymoon, put down roots, and stop worrying about dropped calls, bad connections, and time differences. No more expensive plane tickets and missed celebrations... For nearly three years we've been making it work long distance and we are more than ready for what comes next.

We have never been so excited to say goodbye at the airport as we were this past time - I cannot put into words how good that feels that in less than a month's time I'll be going home for good.